Wednesday, June 23, 2010

. . . overseeing the future from my balcony . . .

assalamualaikum

the coldness in the soft breeze of the silent night is not as cold as the floor of the balcony that is slowly seeping thru my boxers. actually it is kind of a first for me to really sit on it after a few months of moving in. this is also the first of all these nights since the beginning of the world cup 2010 that is particularly quiet. usually some asswipe(s) would be blowing off their car horns or the insanely annoying vuvuzuelas all the way from one end of the city thru to the other end. seriously, i hope someone shoves it up their ears while blowing it so it could destroy their stupidly useless brain cells.

a moonless night yet the streetlights are sufficiently enough to light the surroundings. i see the crossroads from my balcony. i guess thats how my life is. always on the crossroads. each road has its own way. either way can take you to a similar destination if you wanted it to be. sometimes you just have to go the long way or the short way. doesn't really matter. it only matters when you want it to matter or to reach it. always a different face to encounter each day. each with their own private things. do they notice me? i don't know and i don't care.

okay probably some of them right now do really notice me as a weird asian in boxers sitting in the cold night at his own balcony. well its my balcony so i could just sit here stark naked if i wanted to. and before you pass any judgement, i remind you that its is cold so things are not as they seem to be. yes i know its a sad way to spend the start of my birthday but hey, i'm quite happy with it. its not that bad. i know its gonna be hell in the office/class. birthdays are celebrated immaturely. don't get me wrong. its supposed to be that way. its just funny that you're treated as a lil wee kid coming into age, and when you're 27, you know its not right yet you friggin enjoy it! haha!

so where do i go from today? well i'm still at the crossroads. there are already much improvement done but the still much to improve at the same time. have i achieved much? yes and no. i can't give a definite answer myself. all i know that i am trying. some might not see it. i don't mind. have i done the right things? or has it gone wrong? i don't know. can i work more on the rights and repent for the wrongs? i don't know. i can never stop trying.

i don't know all the answers. i can tell you what i know but you won't know what i don't know hence you'll only know what i know.

ok i think staying up so late has managed to really boggle up my mind in many ways. come to think of it, my mind has always been that way. hmmm...

wassalam

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