. . . unsaid goodbye . . .

assalamualaikum

my heart aches as i work my words on this small meaningful post. time passes by. either i am moving forward, standing still or reminiscing... i can only continue moving on life as harsh as it may be. my heart has endured and, in a manner of disorderly fashion, has been tested to its bare roots. i have been happy, and sadness follows suit balancing the conditions of my feelings in my heart.

it would be a lie if i said i didn't see it coming. it would be terrible if i said it out loud too. but keeping it in is worse. i am a full on pessimist when it comes to anything good or bad. the good doesn't last long and the bad will eventually keep coming back. i have regarded life as sucky as it is and accepted it whole heartedly in hopes that Allah will help me through thick and thin. and HE does. never failing every single time. i am not holy, but i don't want to be damned too.

it didn't come to a shock, as i said, i saw it coming. no matter what words came out, that feeling still creeps behind my cheerfully made-up words. bear in mind that those words may be made-up but they are made-up with strong prayers and in hopes to calm the other persons' heart. in short, i am being as supportive as best i can to anyone that needs them the most, and i never break them even though the results can be seen clear.

i feel bad at the same time but i can't just blurt out negativity. that would be so wrong. truth can be relieving but can be hurtful hence i divert truth to a lighter note that is acceptable to the public. maybe to those who can unravel my coded words will understand but so far i don't think anyone can.

this is a sad post. it will always be a sad post. but this is just a post. not what i really feel in my heart. ever since i heard that news, my heart refuses to believe such truth as true as it may be. truth can be hurtful. i know it is hateful and can be considered a crime by anyone who thinks to quick; but i sometimes question Allah on His choices. not to stray away from the right path but i am always eager for an answer. slowly answers do come. slowly. i often lack patience but i am trying.

enough of that. but before moving on.

Kaka Atun
Dec 1979 - Apr 2013
You've always been the nicest and calmest, as well as funny, cousin amongst
all my other lovable cousins. it pains me to know that you are no longer with us but
i know Allah SWT called you back as he loves you more than we do.
i love you, we love you.

Al-Fatihah.

Don't fear death as it will come to you.
Don't escape death as it will come to you.
Do what you can to prepare when it comes to you.
Accept what befalls on to yourself. Theres always a meaning.

wassalam

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